I Owe You All An Explanation...HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

I owe you all an explanation as to why I dropped off the face of the blogging world all of a sudden one day a few months ago.  But before I explain...I'M BACK!

I have recently (2 months ago) received some seriously life changing news that basically turned my life upside down and changed everything.

About 2 months ago I noticed a serious change in my body and mind. I was super stressed out with Fall wedding season starting and I was in the middle of moving an hour away from my home and boyfriend. I noticed for about 2 weeks I was having trouble eating and I was nauseated almost every moment of every day. I was also starting to sleep a lot. Like 15 hours at a time a lot. Now, when I get stressed out I usually have issues eating and I tend to get sleepy but this was extreme. Still, I figured I was just stressed out and a tad bit depressed about moving so far away.

I had been at my new house for exactly one week when I noticed my period was over 2 weeks late. Yet another symptom of stress for me. It wasn't until later that day I was at the grocery store and saw a raw steak in the meat department and the thought came to me that I could totally eat that raw steak. I told my boyfriend that day who insisted it was time to take a test...

So yeah...this happened...

 

 



  Yep, there is a baby in my belly ya'll!!!! I will officially be 16 weeks this week. That picture was the 13 week ultrasound. When I found out about the pregnancy, I was 6 weeks along and had my first ultrasound at 9 weeks. It was the most surreal thing to see my baby for the first time and hear the heartbeat. I was still in a tad bit of denial at my first appointment at 9 weeks but seeing changed everything. The weirdest thing for me was, I didn't cry. I was just wide-eyed in amazement and those tears I always thought I would get didn't come...just a shit eating grin. Besides, how are you suppose to be overcome with emotion when you have a foreign object stuck in side you pressing on things...I thought I was going to come off the table when I felt her trying to check for twins (they lied when they said it was painless and I am not having twins.) The don't warn you about the vaginal ultrasound before you get there. I didn't even know they existed until that day...my life is forever changed!

I have taken this news incredibly serious. I take having children very serious and I needed the last two months to really soul search. I was not prepared for this. I wasn't even sure I would ever want kids. I am 23, not married, and still trying to create a life for myself. Having a child was not in the plans for my boyfriend and I for a while. He is still in school and trying to get his career started. Neither of us had the best childhood and the thought of screwing this up scares the hell out of us. I would be lying if I said I haven't had moments of despair and uncontrollable crying. I'd also be lying if I told everyone I haven't had an issue with my hormones swinging me into random days of what seemed like a dark hole I couldn't get out of. I just want to say, I have not had these moments because I do not want my baby, I have had them because I am afraid of what I might not be able to do for he/she and quite frankly, my hormones are off the wall crazy.

There is nothing like a baby to bring purpose in your life.

I have never been so scared but so in love in my life. When they say it changes you, it does. I am not the most loving and emotional person in the world but the thought of seeing my little one for the first time brings tears to my eyes every time. He/she is all I think about every day. My life is not over. People in worse situations have been faced with the same thing and have made it work. There is no reason why I can not.

Now that I am a few weeks into my second trimester, I am feeling a lot more up to adding blogging into my life again. I just needed some mental time to think and adjust. Plus it is hard to focus on a blog when all you want to do is puke and sleep. I am glad to announce that its been a week since I have thrown up and I no longer want to sleep 15 hours a day (just the required 8-9 and sometimes 10). Little victories ya'll.

I can not wait to get the ball rolling again!

P.S. For all those "been there, done that" mommies out there, feel free to drop me some advice on this whole thing. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated :)